


enough.

by ghostscantdie



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Gen, Just a whole lot of introspection, Logan doesn't feel needed or important, Logan-centric, Roman and Patton are technically in this but don't play a huge role, This is kinda angsty and the situation isn't completely resolved but Logan feels better about it, Virgil gives Logan a bit of the validation he desperately needs, not much actually happens, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 09:45:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19226629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostscantdie/pseuds/ghostscantdie
Summary: Thomas' Logic was faulty.(aka, Logan feels unappreciated in his role in the mindscape and resents the fact that it’s possible for him to “feel” at all)





	enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i promise you none of this is written with the intention of being perceived as romantic lmao
> 
> also i proofread and edited this while half asleep so i apologize if anything is phrased weirdly or there are any glaringly obvious mistakes

Thomas’ Logic was faulty.

Logan knew it. Had always known it.

It is impossible to view such a great wide, expansive world objectively when you are not looking at it from above, but peeking through into only one of many possibilities, only one of many lives.

Logan could not be objective, when he could not even trust that Thomas’ senses--that his *own* senses were showing him what was entirely, undeniably true. Indeed, Logic, as objective and impartial as he tried to be, was based entirely on nothing more than an assumption--the assumption that he was able to accurately perceive the world for what it truly was.

He kept this to himself, of course. The others listened to him more when they believed he acted as the pillar of truth for them to ground themselves to. That was his job, and, for the most part, he was successful.

But then there were times when he slipped up. With infinitesimal. With Crofter’s. When he lost his temper. And each time he berated himself, and swore to do better.

That was who he was. Objectively Logical. And if not, that's who he had to become.

~

“You’re not looking at this objectively, Roman. We can’t wait for a masterpiece, this script needs to be done _today_.”

This happened every time Roman sat down to write a script for a new video. He would hem and haw over it, adjusting it here and there, simply because it “wasn’t quite right,” sometimes even going through the effort to write and rewrite it over and over again. Logan didn’t understand the point of it. The script could only be perfected to a certain degree, and a slightly imperfect script was better than no script at all, wasn’t it? Roman didn’t seem to think the same way.

“NO! It’s not finished! We can’t start filming until it’s PERFECT!” Roman cried, clutching the script to his chest. Previous iterations littered the floor around him.

Logan sighed. “Give me the script, Roman.”

Roman shook his head in defiance, lip quivering pathetically. “You won’t take my baby, you, you… you monster!!”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “I’m simply looking at the situation objectively, Roman. We have already arranged for Thomas to begin filming tomorrow, and thus, we must have a script finalized and proofread today. It is getting late. Thomas is running out of energy and patience. If we want to have time to proofread the script, we need a script that is complete. Would you rather deliver a product that has minor imperfections that take far more time to smooth out than we have on this mortal plane, or deliver no product at all?”

Roman looked at the script still clutched in his hands and sighed. “I suppose you are right. Very well, take it!” He thrust the slightly crumpled script in Logan’s direction, hand on his forehead as if he might faint. “I can’t bear to look at it any longer!”

Logan blinked. This was not unusual behavior for the resident drama queen, but he was experiencing less resistance from Roman than he normally did. “Thank you,” he said, taking the paper and smoothing it out, leaving the room before Roman changed his mind.

On his way out, he bumped into Patton. “Apologies, Patton. I was just leaving,” and he hurried away before Patton could distract him from the task at hand: editing the script.

Soon, Logan was back in his own room, and he felt a sense of calm wash over him. He much preferred it here then the other sides’ rooms; here, everything made sense. Everything was _logical_. No emotions or other frivolities to distract him. Yes, here, his thinking was clearest. He was at peak performance when he didn’t have to worry about how the others “felt.”

Logan knew… “feelings” were an integral part of Thomas. That they were important to him. Logan knew that nearly every side but him was linked to emotion in some way. He also knew that of all of the sides, he was the least influential on Thomas’ personality. Of course the side defined by a _lack_ of subjectivity and feelings was the side with least influence in Thomas, a highly emotional person. That didn’t mean he had to like it, of course. He missed the days when Thomas relied on him much more heavily, back when Thomas had been in school, studying chemistry… but Thomas was happier now. That was something he had to accept. And so Logan did. He stood back and he let the others take the lead in Thomas’ new pursuits.

Logan shook his head to rid himself of these ridiculous thoughts. He still had a job to do. No point reminiscing over what could have been when the now required his urgent attention. And so he boxed up those thoughts and placed them far, far back in his mind so they wouldn’t bother him again, and so he could focus and work at optimal efficiency.

~

Logan finished his work rather quickly, as he always did, and was disappointed at the lack of a challenge, as he always was. For how much Roman went on and on about how terrible his script was, it was well-written and with a bit of polishing from Logan, was ready for filming the next day. Logan made sure Thomas got to bed at a reasonable time (thankfully he hadn’t gotten it in his head to watch that blasted show _again_ ) and got into bed himself, where he promptly fell asleep, with no time spent at all pulling those thoughts out of their boxes and wishing to be useful--wishing to be _important_ \--again.

~

Logan really did have a lot of free time without Thomas in school. Most of his time working was spent doing research for scripts--none of it going as in-depth as Logan would have liked--and creating plans for how Thomas ought to spend his time in order to operate most effectively, taking into account both work _and_ play, and then rewriting those plans when Thomas inevitably ignored them in favor of pursuing whatever flights of fancy one of the others had cooked up.

Sometimes Logan wondered why he bothered forming plans when no one followed them, or indeed even seemed to pay any attention at all to them. They only did so when the constant putting off of work led to them getting far too close to the deadline for comfort and everyone was thrown into a wild panic. As stressful as working against the clock was, Logan would admit that he did love a challenge, and if the others finally listened to him for once, well, that was just metaphorical icing on the metaphorical cake.

~

It always seemed to circle back around to Patton, whenever the thought came up. Logan had reluctantly acknowledged (at least to himself) that he had some semblance of emotions, despite being Logic, as human Logic and reasoning was inevitably flawed, and so Logan too, was flawed. But Logan was intent to keep this from the others. Without Logan as the objective pillar for the others to lean against, who knew what would happen? Patton, however, seemed convinced he had some sort of duty to reveal Logan’s vulnerabilities and weaknesses to the world, and while Logan understood he thought he was trying to help, he resented him for it. Couldn’t he see he was fine? That it was better this way? This way, he was still useful. This way, he was still necessary.

~

Patton knocked softly on Logan’s door. “Hey Logan? Can I come in?”

Logan sighed, closing the book he had been reading and shuffling some of the papers on his desk so it looked like he had at least been doing _something_. “Of course, Patton.”

Patton opened the door.

“What do you need?”

“I just came up to have a chat with my best pal, Logan! Do I need any other reason?” Patton gave him a brief, one-armed hug before collapsing into Logan’s reading chair. “How’s work going?” he asked, with a tone Logan was unable to decipher.

“No issues have arisen as of late besides Roman being his usual… perfectionistic self,” Logan said, being careful not to bad-talk Roman in front of Patton in order to avoid further meddling (and perhaps, also, because he still felt a bit guilty about the whole ‘throwing a flashcard into his eye thing,’ even though he had no need to, since they had both agreed Logan’s debt had been repaid).

“Do you think you’ll be done in time for family movie night?” Patton asked hopefully, eyes shining and face practically a-glow.

 _Eugh_ , thought Logan. He would never understand the others and how they caved for Patton’s patented (patton-ted, his mind unhelpfully supplied) puppy-dog pout. He weighed the options. On one hand, he really didn’t have much work to do at the moment. On the other hand, he didn’t know if he was up to socializing with the others right now. But then… He looked over at Patton and sighed, giving in. If he didn’t there was no doubt Patton would try even harder next time, and perhaps then he would truly be far too busy to attend (and however unlikely the chance, the thought comforted Logan somewhat).

“Sure,” he finally said. “I think I’ll be able to make it. But,” he stood up abruptly, “I’ll need quiet to focus,” he said, shooing Patton out of his room.

“Oh.” Patton said, drooping a bit before perking up again. “Okay! I’ll see you at dinner, then, Logan! Don’t be late!” He enthusiastically waved goodbye before skipping off down the hall.

Logan sighed and closed the door. Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to movie night. He felt considerably more exhausted than he did before, and that was after only a few minutes of interacting with Patton.

Well, whatever the problem was, it could be put on hold. Logan shelved the book he had been reading before Patton had come in and sat down at his desk to work. Perhaps he could get started on next week’s schedule.

~

Logan had started and nearly dropped his pen when his alarm suddenly went off, jerking him out of his stupor and signalling he ought to prepare to go downstairs for dinner. He cleaned up his workspace, adjusted his tie to how he liked it, and made his way downstairs with a book, planning to read and wait in the living room for dinner. When he walked past the kitchen door, however, something stopped him.

Logan knew that, as mental constructs, they did not technically need to eat or sleep, but it got the sides out of their rooms and allowed for bonding time and--if Logan was lucky enough to catch the others in the right mood--impromptu planning sessions so they would all be on the same page the next day.

But Patton put so much effort into cooking for the rest of them. While he may not have understood the sentimentality, he could recognize and appreciate it, in the same way, perhaps, that a biologist might admire and appreciate the peculiarly fascinating behavior of, say, a dolphin.

It was for this reason and no other that Logan entered the kitchen. “Patton,” he asked, “is there anything I can do to assist?”

Patton jumped, startled. “Oh! Logan! I didn’t hear you come in. I’m almost done with dinner, but if you could set the table that would be absolutely fantastic!”

“Might I inquire what you have prepared?” Logan asked, getting out the plates.

“Pasta! Don’t forget to get out the parmesan!”

~

After dinner, Logan sat on the couch with Virgil while Patton and Roman animatedly debated which movie to watch. Virgil had draped himself over the arm of the couch while Logan sat next to him, reading.

They sat close so that they could feel each others presence, but far enough away that they were not touching. Logan reasoned that this position made the most sense, as the couch was a little small for four grown men so space must be optimized, and while Virgil was not always comfortable with touch, he appreciated the comfort of another’s presence. Two figurative birds with one figurative stone.

Virgil had seemed more anxious than usual whenever Logan had spoken with him that day. Logan knew it was necessary to keep Virgil calm to keep Thomas operating at peak performance, and it was for this reason and no other that he sat so close, hoping the presence of a trusted individual could ease his worry, or at least distract from it. It was also for this reason that he kept his door open (figuratively) to Virgil at all hours. Logan could not help Virgil with feelings. Logan was not good at feelings. But he could talk him through his fears and point out any cognitive distortions, and he could be there, quiet, just the two of them in comfortable silence, and sometimes that was enough.

“Hey, Logan?” Virgil spoke up suddenly.

“Hm?” Logan responded, not looking away from his book, half reading and half absorbed in thought.

“Thanks for everything you do. The rest of us would be a mess without you.”

Logan’s mind and breathing halted suddenly. What a coincidence for Virgil to follow his train of thought so closely. “Where, ah, where is this coming from?” He asked, nervously pushing up his glasses and gently shutting his book.

“No real reason… Just, don’t forget you’re part of the team too, okay? Thomas wouldn’t be who he is without you. _We_ wouldn’t be who we are without you.”

After a moment of stunned silence, Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his tie. “Well, um, thank you, Virgil. I could say the same about you, but, er,” he fiddled with his hands, not quite looking Virgil in the eye, “I’m afraid I don’t know how to properly respond to this situation, so. Please excuse me,” he finally said, embarrassed, as he stood up and walked briskly into the kitchen.

~

Virgil gave a good-natured sigh.

Patton seemed to notice the sudden movement and looked up from their selection of DVDs. “Oh! Where’s Logan going? He said he would stay for movie night!” he asked, a bit worry creeping into his voice.

“I think he said he was just going to get a glass of water. Should I ask him to make popcorn while he’s up?” Virgil responded, well aware that Logan probably wouldn’t want his moment of weakness shared.

“That would be great! I think me and Roman have narrowed it down to two movies, so you two can decide between them when you’re done if you don’t have any others you’d rather watch!”

“Alright, I’ll let him know.” Virgil heaved himself out of his lazy position on the couch and stalked over to the kitchen, hesitating. He didn’t want to intrude on Logan, but…

~

Logan speed-walked into the kitchen, got down a glass, filled it to the brim and drained the whole thing.

He stared blankly at the empty glass in his hand. What just happened? He wasn’t even sure how to begin processing this. No one had ever been so direct before, just given him the validation he secretly craved, and so easily.

It felt good to be acknowledged. Logan pondered this thought, no, this feeling. Turned it over in his mind, admired it from all angles. As a rule, whenever Logan felt something a little too strongly, he would put those feelings away in a box to deal with later so they did not keep him from performing his function. But this feeling was different. He wanted to remember it, to keep it, to never stop feeling it. And that scared him, a little. So instead he took the feeling and carefully placed it on a high shelf in his mind, outside of a box, so that he would always be able to remember it, but so that he would not feel it too strongly. It didn’t do well to stay in the past for too long.

Logan set the glass down in the sink carefully with a dull _clink_ and a sigh. He heard the sound of hesitant, shuffling feet from the doorway.

“...Logan?” Virgil asked hesitantly, asking for permission to intrude on the space Logan had temporarily claimed as his own.

“Apologies, Virgil. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Nah, you’re fine. Patton just wanted us to make popcorn for the movie,” Virgil said easily, leaning on the doorframe, tension beginning to leave him. Logan was glad Virgil didn’t mention his previous outburst, and when he met his eyes he knew he understood.

“Alright. How much do you suppose we should prepare? We _did_ just have dinner, but Roman and Patton can be voracious eaters, especially if they aren’t paying much mind to what they are consuming...” Logan trailed off, welcoming the distraction of a problem to ponder that had absolutely nothing to do with emotions or navigating a social situation.

~

Later, on the couch, Virgil had resumed his place draped over the arm of the couch with Logan sitting next to him. If Logan was leaning a bit more into Virgil’s side, well, that was only because Roman and Patton were taking up so much room, with Roman requiring a bit more room just by virtue of being his usual animated self, and Patton spreading himself out on the couch as if he unconsciously sought warmth and comfort only physical contact with another person could bring.

As Virgil leaned into his left side, Patton pressed into his right, and Roman’s hand brushed his shoulder as he stretched his arm across the back of the couch, Logan was content. It had been a good idea to attend family movie night tonight after all. And surrounded by his family, Logan decided that even if they weren’t perfect, things were still good, and sometimes that was enough. This was enough. Logan was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always appreciated! even if i don't respond to them i promise i read every single one :-)
> 
> (and hey! if you'd like, you can follow me on tumblr @ghostscantdie! i'm always looking for new people to talk to)


End file.
